That girl, whose article you've just read, she's my cousin. She lives in France but she left for Manila during her senior year in college@ADMU. If you want to read the whole article, visit her multiply blog. I have never read it because I never really had time, but ever since, I knew she was a great & witty writer.

I wanted to leave a comment on her page like.. "Hi Ate Mimi, I can relate" or "Hey ate Mi, just lookin for blogs which can defy my feelings right now". But that wouldn't matter, I have changed, maybe she doesn't expect me to do that.

It's just that her blog post perfectly described everything that I feel right now. I am just TOO far away. The only difference is that she's really a million miles away from the people she talked about and I'm just a bus away. Also, she has independence on her side and mine lacked on the "in-" part. But, its still everything that I am feeling. Wow, at least now I am assured that my personality CAN BE affected by some changes. I never thought that I would give in to such things or I just never noticed that I have been "giving in" all my life.

Maybe I'd rant that out one day but right now, I understand how she feels. I want to assure her that I'm here, ready to understand her (like she needs that, she has Kuya Bernard for COL). I haven't talked to families/friends who are now living in other parts of the world that usual. I don't know HOW TO TALK TO THEM. It's different you know, talking to them personally and chatting with them. Like, what's there to talk about? I'm not that kind of person. I'm not really ready for long distance relationships. There's always an awkward feeling inside me no matter how happy I may be. I'm a very good liar you know. As time goes by I have discovered that talent of mine which may someday send me somewhere down below. That became part of my daily living. I am a bad person but I don't hate myself. Again, numbness, another of my talents. It's just a defense mechanism I guess.

The pain that you feel when you remember those times you shared, the time you said goodbye and the fact that there is a "what could've been if I didn't leave or they didn't leave", that is the exact pain that I feel. On one hand, those those times we have shared when I was still a little girl, those times they left and I couldn't remember because I was too little and the "what could've been" part which I know saddens them more than it saddens me. On the other hand, those time I shared with them which made me the person I am today, the most painful goodbye I have ever said when I left and the "what could've been" part which is the most painful thing I have just realized because the time I left, was just the start of a foundation of a friendship that I couldn't even claim myself as part of it because a lot has changed and I'm too far down to aim that high.

That's the truth, not every part of the whole truth but yes its the truth.. You have to give me credit though, I never said any lie in this blog post. :)