Saturday, March 08, 2008

Maybe it's time... @ 3/08/2008 11:40:00 PM

hey everybody who read my recent post.. (yes, only those who read it can understand this).. then again, maybe all those who knows that special person (for me) can understand this too... here goes..

the other day, Friday, i talked to ianne, gab, gelo, dan, and jasper(though he wasn't REALLY actually talking, like DUUHH) during biology. anyway, something really bothered me. ianne came right out at me and said: "bakit umaasa ka pa rin kaht na alam mo nang... you know.. meron?!" i think he's right. nina told me the same thing the day i was so sure that i am going to wait. but now, everything's a blur. i mean, nothing would happen now, he's happy and i'm still holding on from that past.. boy, that's... stupidity... and for months now, "stupidity" was okay with me but then again, a girl's gotta realize what she has to realize.. and that's letting go of the past coz no matter how hard i try to hold on to that, that would always and forever remain as past. nothing else. i've realized that no matter how long i'd wait.. days, week, months, years would go by and they're all revolving on him! nina and ianne said the same exact point, "you're hoping for something kahit na alam mong wlang pag-asa, pno yung ibang umaasa rin syo?" nina was referring to mikko, who is (courting?) inna now. and ianne and the boys were referring to mitch (whose current crush is i-don't-know-who). anyway, i'm not actually pointing out mikko and mitch, it's the first thing they said, the "you're hoping for something kahit na alam mong wlang pag-asa" part. hit me bigtime. i'm not really into the feelings part or open to anybody. i mean i am going to move on but i'm not going to look for another one. it's like what nina did, she just missed her single life. but in my case, we were never us so it was not actually missing the single life i guess it was just missing the old me back. the carefree one. i lost her on my way to wait forever-ville.

i know its hard, but i promise you.. i would do my best to forget about my feeling for him (except for the "14" part, coz i learned to love that number. but starting now, i'm gonna love that number without the first reason why i loved it part). anyway, i am. i would do my best coz i know this would really do me good. in fact, for the past weeks, i am not minding him at all. i guess it's because of the "numb" thing. that's what i got from waiting too much- numbness. i lost my eyes for that guy. woah.

last intramurals, yes not the ever beautiful 07 intramurals but the "okay" 08 one. yeah. things got messy so he was actually reviving his "07 compliments". i can't believe the fact that i was even happy about that. face it, he just did that because they were off. the time they got back, everything fell to the very reason i started being numb again. stupidity.

but looking at all those memories, i would never say that i am regretting those. . i guess it was just something that i really really wanted at one point. and thats forever a keeper. but now, i have to grow up.. i need to enjoy my life coz i was too busy sulking everything about him. yes, he made some differences in my life. yes, he did replace something that most people can't get enough with and yes, he is special.. but i have to take time for myself too. i have to start another chapter. move over. i hope that durong the process, i would learn to learn from this experience. i've never felt anything this big my entire life but come to think of it.. what we had was never that "big". it was just something we felt and there he left me hangin'. so what's the use of waiting? when i'm waiting for somethng that wasn't even worthy of all these. i gave my heart(completely) to someone who left me hangin. the guys are right, move on when you have to. and i know that i should've done that before, but i guess this was just the time for me to take a small step forward. i know this would do me good. :)

it's not totally closing our chapter, it's just taking a step to make another one. i could always read it again for some inspirations along the way.. :)

ps: it's official, i am a girl- with dignity, again. :) HAPPY & CONTENTED.
but i guess, it's also time to go back to problems. and that's carppy hell again. :D bye. goodmornight guys. :) sweetdreams.