Saturday, April 21, 2007

the rebel yell @ 4/21/2007 01:04:00 PM

there are things that you thought were right, but actually, you made a fatal mistake to trust what you though, what you believed.
for a very long time, i've been very proud of myself, because have friends that not everybody have. friends that will help you. and will always protect
you. and friends that will side with you. i may not see things coming yet. i may not predict what i have to do. i'm still a little confused. but i'm happy
with the way we comfort each other. i'm happy for my barkada and i, kasi we struggled and went through a lot. but, not everything is a hppy ending story. i know that.
i treated them as family already. i trusted them. i thought that, in here, in this place, we were all family. but i guess.... it was wrong idea.
what's wrong with loving someone? i know i was wrong. i know i picked the wrong timing. but that was that. but more?? fuck. T_T di naman natin maiiwasan magmura pag nagagalit tayo eh. somehow, it's a way to express how we feel.
about people BACKBITING us when we're not looking. so i proved, guys are NOT the only jerks here in my world. kayo din pala.
wow. it's funny that i gave in sa mga pinapakita niyo sakin. yun pala, you talk about me (and what aBIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG mouth you all have) a lot. i can call myself stupid. yup. i am stupid. stupid for falling for all your lies.
alam ko naman na you talk about me. not only me, but also my barkada. we know, i know. but what we/(especially)i didn't know about is that it was going so far, you're crossing the line. good thing nde ako yung nakarinig. kung hindi.. baka nawala na sa vocabulary ko yung RESPECT.
i always hear you say things about us, you may not know, but yeah, we do. at punong-puno na kami. pinapasok ko na nga lang sa isip ko, "ayy, wala yan.. wala na naman silang magawa sa mga buhay nila kaya pinapakialaman nila yung sa iba.
ang hindi ko lang maintindihan, yung nagpaparinig lang ba kayo kaya niyo parang binabaon sa mukha namin yung mga paninira niyo tapos pag kaharap na namin kayo mismo, wala, parang nagmistulang anghel na inosente. you know if you have to play games with me, pumili kayo ng isang character. and one character only.
i hate it when you think napaglalaruan niyo ako. don't be PLASTIK. if you know what you are saying, sana sinasabi niyo, hindi yung lumalabas na naninira kayo.. well actually, sabagay nga naman, tlaga nga palang naninira kayo.
as i typed a while ago, i know i was wrong about the 'first love' thing. pero that was past. and by the way, did i mention, i learned something from it. one, pick the right time. two, be serious next time. three, stay away from people whom you know sisiraan ka lang after.
ang pangit pa dun, some of you, were actually telling me praises. like "wow! blooming ka ngayon ah!". boo hoo. there you go again, plastik-ness.
one thing more, i know di sakin cnb ng beloved barakada ko tong' isang tao na toh kagabi. but i know, she was one of them. well.. duh! san nga ba manggagaling lahat ng paninira kundi sa kasama ng sinisiraan diba!
she's such a bitch. sorry for the word. pero di na ako makahanap ng word sa dictionary eh. all this time, i thought dapat sa barkada ko ako magagalit. pero what i didn't see, was something more. i'm thankful that they never gave up. and that they'r still here by my side.
one thing more. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. pero anong karapatan niyo na sabihin na B.I. ako sa mga kaibigan ko. kung ganun ako, sana matagal na akogn lumayo sa kanila. sana matagal ko nang kinulong sarili ko. one thing more, how dare you ay i'm a worthless friend. for you i may be, pero i'm also not a worthless person to go out kahit na alam kong stressed ako. i admit, sometimes, i am lazy. ayoko lumabas. kung sakin sasabihin ng mga kabrakada ko yung 'pagod na sila' maiintindihan ko pa.
kasi i know they care about me. i know they're my friends. pero galing sa inyo, gosh, what happened to the world?! you have all the privelages to talk about one person. i know a lot of people do that. i know we do that. pero crossing the line, being judge-mental, plastik, maninira... wow, i never knew that that was "right".
it's okay to talk things behind my back, as long as i don't know. and as long as you stay in your place, and as long as YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. baka naman ndi niyo pa alam dahilan ko kung anu-ano nang sinasabi niyo. oh yeahh... that was what happened. you never actually confronted me about that. then the next thing i know you're back biting me.
and it goes on. you walk outside, you sit, you talk. but there are things you don't know. may mga sungay na tumutubo sa ulo nio. buntot sa may pwet nio. hayyy... too bad for you.
i know that what i'm doing right now is also wrong. but in my world, i voice out. i told my friends. stage 2 lang toh cguro. kailangan ko lang ilabas. baka kasi sa pagkimkim ko nito, magkaron ako ng stress patches.
well.... it was ackward. walking outside, knowing that you talk about me a lot. knowing that ur being plastik. well if you are, i think i also need to. i odn't want any fight with you. you may produce rumors again. like, 'walang respeto yang' bata na yan.' o kaya naman, 'mahilig makipag away yan. kahit kami inaaway niyan.' so.... i guess.. i need to play your games too. makipagplastikan.
if ur playing games, might as well play mine as well. pero, one more better thing. di na lang kayo pansinin. ayokong maging katulad niyo. na parang walang ginagawang masama. i sick of all your lies. i'm tired of playing. i'm tired of trusting people like you.
lastly, oo nga, di nio ako kilala, so why the hell would i believe whatever it is that you're all saying. kung alam kong' puro paninira yan. and i know i have friends. sila yung mga tao na nakakakilala sakin, so sympre, dun ako maniniwala. because they know me. and why should i believe you, kung mismong mga kaibigan ko, ndi yung sakin sinasabi.
of course nung una, while they were telling me that, parang i felt so small. like i was really worthless. pero sinabi nila sakin na, "don't worry, kakampi mo kami dito." parang imbis na tears of sadness yung lumabas, imbis na i feel smaller, i felt thankful, kasi God gave me friends like them, na handanh makiharap sa kin. sa lahat ng problema ko. i know some of my friends wouldn't care, kasi i know they won't know, so i'd just leave them as they were. we also have lots of problems to face din.
pero as of now, this could be the worst.. pero i know i can go on with this. kasi ihave my friends.

LOVE ME OR HATE ME. I WOULD NEVER CHANGE FOR YOU.