Saturday, October 13, 2007

friends over fakers ;) @ 10/13/2007 09:32:00 PM

my bestfriend and i went through a lot of problems this year. but looking back from it, we're still pretty tight, though we don't get to be with each other that much. i miss this girl so much. it's really hard dealing with this situation. i don't know where i could end up with this situation. i don't know. i've been a bitch to my best buds lately. i don't go there, why? because i can't. i don't know how. and i'm sooooooo not allowed. or at least, the folks no listen. as usual.
it's really a piece of crap. i don't wanna argue with my friends. i love them so much, and i don't intend to quit or ruin our friendship. i'm just tired of seeing them like that. i'm tired of saying "di ako sure eeh" everytime they ask me when i can go there (Augustus st.). it's really hard dealing with these stuff especially if i'm a kid at high school (which is VERY much applicable). i don't know how to deal with these stuff anymore.

it was really a burden to explain, explain and explain more. i don't know how to say things right anymore. i always end up starting some fights or some quarrels. i used to get out of these things alive. yes, back when i was having the time of my life when i was a kid. i love my friends so much to hurt them; to see them like that, or probably even seeing a happy moment without "me" in it. it's really hard to get back on the track again.

look at it like this.. example, on a song.. when you have your favorite line, the more the song plays, the longer it is to rewind the it. it gets harder and bitter every minute. later this evening, my bestfriend and i finally opened up the topic. yes, we had harsh words and we had some misunderstanding. we got cold and we sent bitter text messages, but that was it. we ended up saying sorry and understanding each other. we were just in our "puzzled point". i know there is something to be puzzled, but there are also reasons.

i really am thankful to God for giving me my bestfriend. she's really heaven sent. if that could've been another person, we could've said our goodbyes, trashed our memories and deleted his/her contacts in our cellphones and send some angry messages to him/her the next day. some people just tend to be warfreaks--warfreaks at the point that they don't wanna point out their point and how it would shape you to be a better person, but they wanna point out that they are right; that they're better than you. it really gets ugly when it goes to that situation. i'm thankful that i have really good tastes for friends. people who are fun, but not fun with the badness that accompanies it. good yet fun friends in short. :)

i'm really really sorry for acting as if i'm the right one. i know i should've put more effort in it, but believe me, there's no more when my dad says his "ops ops ops, hindi pwede." but i hope i can make it up to you guys someday. i know i've missed out a lot, hope you forgive me guys. but please, do understand. i know you're tired of waiting and understanding, but i really can;t do anything about it. i could run away, but that would make me a bad person right? not exactly what you influenced me to be. just remember that i love you guys so much. and bes, thanks for always staying with me and sticking up for me. i don't know what i could've become if you weren't there for me ever since.

thanks for everything berks.. tk...
i'm sorry too.