Saturday, October 13, 2007

sober. @ 10/13/2007 07:35:00 PM

'tek yan. di ko na sila maintindihan. it was really a great night last night and i'm not regretting that i went to southville to watch the concert. but, i'm pretty messed up with my friends saying things and saying everything that's on their mind about this situation. i'm not quite sure if i still have the soul to face them when i see them again. i can't possibly think of ways on how to go there without having difficulties. i mean, if i could just make them understand. this "new-house" thing is bullshit. i am not happy. and i am totally messed up. but i can't change this. they told me i can't. before pa lang, i told them that i can't be sure about friday nights (the night where TK would spend the night together). i really can't promise anyone anything yet. especially if you have a father that changes his mind on the last minute, who doesn't listen to ANYTHING you're saying, and who probably doesn't care that you're alive or something. but i love my father. even though i spend most of my times talking to him (or talking to myslef) and pretend he's deaf because he doesn't listen or he tries to ignore. ANYWAY. believe it or not, i'm really trying my best to do anything i could, but as i've said.. i have no chances of talking without shouting. and of course, more shouting, less chances. it all goes round and round and round. mygosh. i'm tired. i really am. i don't know what to do in my life. that could probably be the practical reason why i spend my time at ATC with school friends. or hang out at some gigs or something, coz i need to get out of here, quietly. i want to get out of here. back to some secret places i went to before. i don't know who to trust anymore. i don't know what to do. i've stumbled so many times and somehow i managed to get up. most of those comeback were because i had my friends behind my back. but now, with or without them, i am not quite sure if i can make it once again. i know i can. i know i should. but i'm afraid.