Saturday, January 02, 2010

I miss. @ 1/02/2010 11:37:00 AM

There are tons of things to miss about you.

I miss it when you call me Panget. I know it's so way back, but that's how we started. That was when everything was sweet and simple and cheesy.
I miss it when you greet me "Goodmorning! I love you!" Now it's just "Morning!"
I miss it when you call me everytime just to check on me.
I miss it when you view my Tumblr. I can tell, coz you dunno what's going on inside my head now.
I miss it when I sit beside you. We'd just tickle each other endlessly.
I miss it when we crack the corniest jokes and we'd be completely happy, like those jokes just made our fucking day.
I miss it when you'd say "bye" to me.
I miss it when you'd borrow my star-making puncher and you'd create a lot of stars for me and you'd put it inside my pencil case.
I miss it when you'd play kid games with me. I miss it when we can laugh about the simplest of things.
I miss it when you text me when you're absent. I miss going inside the restroom and checking my phone with messages from you.
I miss it when you look at me and you see me trying to avoid you. I miss THAT look on your face; when you look at me and I feel like you're scared I'm gonna leave. You know I won't. You know I can't.
I miss it when you invite people to hang out. You know why.
I miss it when you created an account sa GG. :")
I miss it when try to read my diary and you never succeeded. Those were the days hahaha.
I miss it when you make excuses just so that we could talk or something.
I miss it when I hold your hand during...
I miss it when you try to hide the kissy smiley. I miss it when you pretend like you don't have it in your phone but you just really want to send it.
I miss it when you made my day on my birthday. :(
I miss it when you call me, endlessly, just so you could talk to me about anything.
I miss it when you're pissed off and when I ask when you're okay you'd say "Yup, narinig ko na boses mo e".
I miss it when you shoot hoops for me.
I miss the way I feel whenever you're not around or whenever you're absent. I know it's emoshitty and dark but I miss it. Coz I know missing you back then was worth it because I know you miss me too. :(
I miss it when everybody tells me they know the reason why I'm sad. I miss it coz they always mention your name.
I miss it when the my reason for letting go before was because it's hard. Now the reason is you because I can't feel your love anymore.
I miss it when we ask each other things and we'd beat around the bush when we ask each other things like our Top 1 etc..
I miss it when you ask me if I'm okay.
I miss the first time we talked past midnight. That was the day you told me I am your... :)
I miss it when I sit on your empty seat and I get mad at anyone who sits on it hahaha.
I miss it when you trust me with your past.
I miss it when you text me with teary-eyed smileys and sad faces and then you go tell me "Text ka naman, I need you :"( :(( :("
I miss listening to my first batch of TSwift songs.
I miss it when you ask me not to sleep yet cause we haven't talked yet.
I miss it when you call, even for just a minute, before I go to sleep and you say "Tutulog ka na? Mmm, sgesge, goodnight! :)" with all your concerned voice and all. :")
I miss it when you buy me pasalubong.
I miss it when you sing with me on the phone. No insecurities whatsoever.
I miss it when you watch me dance.
I miss it when you were there for me when I lost my iPod.
I miss it when you ask me "what will you do if.." questions.
I miss your answer when I asked you. You tried to hide it pa, rinig na rinig naman. :P
I miss it when you whispered in my ear that you... :")
I miss it when we fight and we talk through post its.
I miss it when you're irritated when I tell you I'm your long lost sister.
I miss it when I first drank pure vodka and you took the glass away from me :)
I miss it when you tell me "Ok lang yan love mo naman ako e"
I miss it when you ask me about my stats even though you know it's for you.
I miss it when you ask me "What am I to you?" I miss it cause before, I couldn't answer it. Things always hold me back. Now, I just want to tell you that you're the one I love. You're everything. Every reason. Lahat na ng cheesy stuff. Pero totoo. And I know you already know that. I just wish I told you those things before.
I miss it when I couldn't sleep coz I know you're BV and all and I worry you'll hurt yourself again.
I miss it when you'd call sa landline. I miss your voice. Iba talaga sa landline e. :(
I miss it when I had a bad day and then you'd call and take all the BV away.
I miss that one time you told me it was me. First, as of that moment.
I miss it when I post "letting go" stuff and you'd ask me about it.
I miss it when you told me you don't want me to let you go. :((
I miss the 1923 series. You're Matt ya know. Or I'm Matt. Fuuudge. :))
I miss our YM conversations.
I miss our confe.
I miss it when we'd agree to bring food and we'd pig out all day.
I miss that one time you called me and I told you I got pilay and the next day you brought bandages and bengay. :") and you drew on them :))
I miss it when you posted the lyrics of FEARLESS.
I miss October 23, 2009!!
I miss it when you ask me to smile your favorite smile.
I miss October 26, 2009!! :(( :(( :((

Those were the days. The simple days. Got them from my first diary.
Yesterday, I kinda missed him a lot. When I answered the phone, I kinda missed the time I answered it before and hoped it was him... and it was him. I miss the way I felt that time.
I miss these simple things. I miss the way things fucking were. I miss these memories. I miss these moments.

Things are so complicated for the past weeks. This Christmas Break, I developed this "drive" to let you go. I finally had that stregth to do it.. to move on. To finally be happy. But I lost it exactly on the last day of the year. The feeling I felt that day just fucking tore me again. The feeling I felt on the 5th of November. That was the same feeling. I thought nothing could ever surprise me na, but I was wrong. I guess you could still manage to break a broken heart. You could still rip it to smaller bits no matter how small the pieces were already. On New Year's Eve, I tried to be strong. The BV feeling went away and on the first day of 2010, before I went to sleep, I found that drive again. Coz of something. I figured I still have my amazing friends no matter how this'd end up. I figured I also want to remain a friend if ever things won't go smoothly. Because of that incident that night, I found that stregth again. And I hope this stregth won't leave me this time so that if ever the thing I'm hoping for will not happen, at least I'm strong enough not to break. :P