Friday, May 04, 2007

kasalanan bang humingi ako sa langit ng... isang himala? @ 5/04/2007 03:48:00 PM

it's pathetic how i keep on holding on to something i know can never be mine ever again.

funny how i keep on coming back to you. how my eyes suddenly look straight to where you are. how my heart smiles when i see you. how i drown in tears when i think about you.

i'm hiding in things that hurts me. parang yun na rin yung way ko para makalimot.
para makapag move on.
i have a life. and i want to go through it without anything that holds me back to my past. i don't want to waste my time wishing for a miracle that i know could never be favored. could never be returned. i don't want to run away from you. i don't want to avoid you. i want those to stop. bakit ba nandun pa rin yung pagkakailang? why do thiese things keep on happening?

i'm scared that someday, it would all just burst into my face. that all the hurt would be piling up, ready to smash me bit by bit. ayoko nang mag-end pa sa ganun.
i want to move on. let go. and forget you. and all your memories. pero pano?

there were times when i wanted to replace you here in my heart. there were things that i occupied myself with para mapalitan ka. pero it wasn't enough. it would never be enough.

maybe someday, when i could find someone who could replace you, and even more.. maybe that's the time i can forget. maybe that's the time i could move on.

at least now, the pain lessens. and i'm trying to get over it. dati, akala ko, i moved on.. akala ko i have forgotten about it na, pero hindi pa rin pala.

wrong timing.
siguro yan na talaga yung pinaka tugmang word.
everytime. all the time. ganyan ka palagi.

and maybe someday.. when i would forget about you. i would be smiling at myself. kasi i went through the fear every girl faces. forgetting about their... :)