Tuesday, May 29, 2007

i'm scared of you. @ 5/29/2007 10:33:00 AM

so if we fall in love...
nakaka takot isipin.. na the greatest feeling you ever had would also be the greatest fears you'd be afraid of.
masakit masaktan. sobra. and for sometime now, i'm scared. especially kapag cornered ka. you want to scream, but you can't. nasasaktan ka ng palihim. tinitiis mo lahat ng sakit. it could've been better kung ikaw lang may alam. at least you can never show others the pain you're trying to resist. grabe... di ko inakalang magiging ganito ka deep toh. i mean nung una, wala lang. i never noticed that everyday... mas lumalalim na pala. mas lalo lang ding' sumasakit.

sabik sa bawat sandaling ika'y makapiling. anong nadarama, tuwing makikita kang dumarating, TULIRO.

pag alam na kasi ng iba, and they'd witness na di ka gusto ng taong mahal mo... parang they'd feel sorry for you. even though you know how much pain you had, ayaw mong' isipin nilang sawi ka. something like that. hrap i-explain eh. basta ganun. lalo na nung thursday night. napaka cornered ko. feel ko gusto ko na lang magtago kay claude nung time na yun. kasi sbrang nananakit na yung tenga ko. grabe..

pag ka uwi ko nga nun nandun ako sa banyo. tapos dumapo na naman sa isip ko yung sa blog ni bianca. yung "ang tunay na matapang ay lumalaban kahit natatakot." tama nga naman. i'm afraid of these feelings and in what they can do to me. but i'm gonna fight for it. naalala ko nung cnb sakin ng isang tao na "fight to live and fight for love, either ways, you'd always be a fighter." tama nga namn. pero naakatakot pa rin. uneasy. uncomfortable. unsure. afraid. :(

grabe. every night is always something precious. parang for all my life.. ngayon ko lang natagpuan yung mga tao na nandito lang pala.. di ko lang napapansin. and i'm glad na just before i go... i knew people like you. a person like YOU. :(

mabuti pang umiwass.. pero salamat na rin at nagtagpo..

when i'm scared... pumapasok din sa isip ko yung cnb sakin ni bes. about raven. pero pati rin naman siya may gusto ke mie. so... either ways, babagsak din ako. big time. pero kahit ganun.. nagwowonder pa rin ako.

sinong mas gugustuhin niyo? yung taong mahal mo.. pero may gusto na iba... o yung taong nagcacare ka.. kahit di ka sigurado sa pwedeng mangyari.. and you're only clinging to a few words that he said..? or something like that. ang hirap i-explain. bsta *a**n or **l*o lang yun. ewann ko. i know both of them likes someone.. but still.. umaasa kahit wala na? poor me. npka kawawa ko naman. tae yan.

and if there's a thing that you need. for you and your blood. I WOULD BLEED.

bakit gnun? yung mga ibang tao na nagsasabi sakinng gntong problema.. pag tinutulungan ko parang wala lang naman? parang ang dali magbigay ng advice... "kung mahal mo talaga, ipaglaban mo.." pero mahirap pala talaga... once you're already there.. di m na lam gagawin mo..
napaka WEAK ko naman. napaka unsure. very afraid. sobra. i may not seem like it. pro everyday na lumalabas ako... nandun yung kaba... na di ko alam, masasaktan n lng ako bgla. pero i still keep on taking risk. lumalabas pa rin ako. just to see him. to see everybody. kasi hanggang ngayon na lang toh. :( dinadaan ko na nga lang sa pag ka high yung sakit ehh. sa smiles. sa tawa. pero kapag serious talk na. there are a lot of people na nakaka sense nun. at ang hirap na magpa comfort sa kanila kasi i know she's there, pano pag narinig niya diba? yariii ako. kaya nga kapag nagiisa na lang ako tska whoever i'm with ako nakakalabas ng feelings. i feel stupid nga eh. it's not suppose to be like this. we'll really never know the people we will love... and how great the love we would be giving them. how great the chance we would give them to hurt us.. :(

bawat oras na wala ka, parang mabigat na parusa.. wag mong' kakalimutan na kahit nag-iba, di ako tumigil magmahal sayo..

ngayon ko lang naramdaman tong takot na toh. ngayon ko lang naisip na tama pala yung ibang tao... yung kapag nagmahal ka ng sobra sobra... masasaktan ka rin ng sobra sobra. kasi noon, i thought.. pwede ka naman kc mag move on.. HELLO! pero mali pala.. it's really hard. and one more thing.. kapag maglelet go ka pala, you need to be WILLING TO. ndi yung PILIT. kaya mahirap mag move on.

i shouldn't see you but i can't move.. I CAN'T LOOK AWAY. thought you should know, i've tried my best to let go of you.. BUT I DON'T WANT TO.

i can never really stop this feeling. kaya i hold on to it kahit na alam ko namang imposible. my head's so crazy about all the things other people say. ewan ko kung ano na paniniwalaan ko. :( di ko na alam kung pano ako magsisimula ulit kapag wala ka na. di ko alam kung anong gagawin kapag nakita ulit kita. i told you. i'm scared. VERY SCARED. i want to let go of these feelings, pero di ko kaya. gusto ko man pilitin yung sarili ko... ayoko talaga... i can't let go of you.

mahal kita. kaya ayokong sbhng ayaw ko na. kasi nga mahal kita.
lagi na lang tayo nag-aaway.. kahit di dapat pag awayan.

haha. mahilig tayo mag away. grabe. totoo yun. pero okay lang. siguro ito na yung way of talking natin. nakakainis na minsan, pero tinitiis ko. kasi for some reason, gusto ko rin naman. maybe that's what i liked about you. naging okay agad. walang ilang.. sige alaskahan agad.

and when i wake you're never there, but when i sleep you're everywhere. when i close my eyes, it's you i see.
in my dreams.. that's the only time i make you feel what i have for you is real..
kung ikaw ay isang panaginip, ayoko nang magising.
coz i'm dreaming of you tonight, till tomorrow, i'll be holding you tight.

yup. it's true. lagi kang nasa panaginip ko. siguro for two weeks na. bsta ever since we've met. i've been dreaming of you. dalawang araw pa lang ata nde. minsan nga i just want to be there in my dreams. kasi in my dreams. masaya ako. i know i can BE with you in my dreams. hanggang panaginip nga lang. :( sana ganun na lang palagi... yung di na ako magigising... forever na akong nasa dreams ko. kasama ka. kahit hanggang dun lang. ngayon lang ako naging ganito. swear. yung makapanaginip ng isang tao for a very long time. pero siguro naging ganun kasi matagal ko na rn kayong kasama. actually, kayo lagi kong' kasama. or maybe kasi ikaw huli kong' naiisip before i sleep. ganun ba yun? ayy ewan. bsta nandun ka. period.


i may not be enough for you. you may love someone more. you may look at me, but your heart looks for someone else. i may be scared. i may be insecure. but one thing's for sure... i'm falling deeper. i may not be in love with you yet... pero i'm getting there. speaking of *getting there*..
naalala ko na naman yung painful lines sa "paano kita iibigin?" i mean.. i'm not a big fan of piolo pascual.. actually i hate him. i think he's gay.. enough about that. naiyak ako dun sa trailer... kasi sabi...

regine:ibig sbhn ba nun mahal mo rin ako?
piolo: i'm getting there..
regine: makakarating ka naman dba?
tapos hanggang sa huli.. cnb ni piolo na..
piolo: i never got there.

kaiyyaakk!!
parang, it was almost there. almost lang. no matter how close that was, di pa rin yun yung inaasam mo. nakakaiyak talaga. huhuhu.
hayy nako.. dramadiz! kausap ko nga rin si aya nung thursday night. napunta kami sa topic na expectations. tapos oo nga, mahirap yung feeling sa dulo na inexpect mo toh na mangyari, pero di pa rin nangyari. SAYANG. all your hopes were useless. kainis yung ganun. yung nabitn. yung nawalan. sayang talaga. hayy nako.

i experienced that. SO SO SO SO many times. :(

ipagpatawad mo... MINAHAL KITA agad. ayoko nang titigan ka pa, dahil lalo lang napapa-asa.
ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal. ikaw lamang ang tangi kong' inaasam. makapiling ka habang buhay. ikaw lamang sinta. wala na akong hihingin pa.. wala na... oohhh...

i will be right here waiting for you..